Help! I'm getting eaten alive!!

This is a picture of me under my princess mosquito net praying that I don't get eaten alive tonight while I enjoy my DMT.

Ever since I've been in Thailand, I have managed to attract a pestering nuisance that's caused national public-health threats and in my opinion, should be entirely extinct: THE MOSQUITO. I think I've managed to collect a total of 20 bites since my stay here. They have feasted upon my succulent blood and left me with bruises, scars and inflamed pink stains on my skin. Damn you, mosquitoes, DAMN YOU!

I was forewarned by my former housemate, Jennie (who is currently armed in battle with a familiar nuisance while in Japan-- she's also teaching English out there as well!) that DEET will be my only friend out here in SE Asia. Jennie, I wish I stocked up on the DEET. 20% will not do out here!

After finding a disgusting colony of bites on my arm, I asked Lara to research the cause of this vexation and the first thing we read was:

"You pretty much have to stop breathing to not attract the attention of a mosquito, a big attractor for them is the carbon dioxide from your breathing."

Hah. Yeah, I will definitely take that advice. But in actuality, it seems the following will deter this shit on wings:

• Wear light colored clothing, mosquitoes are attracted to dark clothes
• Keep your body covered as much as possible (including wearing a hat), although mosquitoes can find their way through the fabric–it does cut down on bites [NOTES: I can't do this, it's too hot here!]
  
• Avon’s Skin So Soft (straight or mix 50/50 with rubbing alcohol)
• Bounce Sheets (hanging out of a pocket or waistband)
• Listerine (mixed 50/50 with household vinegar then sprayed all over body)
• Vicks VapoRub
• You can purchase citronella torches to stand in the ground or set on table tops

For daily consumption:

• Garlic
• B1 Vitamins [I've been taking these and they taste like vomit. Lol]
  
• Brewers Yeast [What is this?]
  
• Lemons

Until I find ways to diminish these bites, I will have to be imprisoned in this netting from a world of blood suckers when night falls.

Wah.