Eerie image of Lara's muddy hand or foreshadowing of a desperate reach for help?Easily influenced and enthusiastic, we prepared for the day by consuming some carbs to soak in the pollution imminently invading our temples then headed to the tubing headquarters across the way from the FRIENDS restaurant. Lara and I met a few travelers behind us in line, befriended them and eventually asked if we could join their tubing group as pair tubers were required to pay a higher fee. We conversed a bit with them and learned that they are in fact, experienced 2nd time tubers! Great, people who know what's going on. Yeah, right. Little did we know, we would soon be a lonesome duo lurking in the dark night of Laos.
A tuk-tuk awaits us after we get numbered like cattle, pay our admission, grab a life vest to ensure survival through this river adventure [and a mentioned monetary penalty if lost is adamantly communicated] and sign away our lives on half a sheet of paper eloquently stating, 'I (or relative) will not sue the tubing company if I get injured or die'.
10 minutes later, we reached our destination and found ourselves unloading the tuk-tuk. We are greeted by one of two travel guides with a shot of whiskey in bottle to the dome and I immediately felt my blood rush in excitement. Travel guide number 2, Trent whom I've been told was a former traveler had been invited to work for the tubing company because he was found to be a valuable asset with his frequent experiences tubing and exceptional social skills informs us the route. Westerner to westerner, that type deal. Printed in dark marker along his chest is a number that indicated his days working along the river and if I remember correctly, it was a 3 digit number.Bar #1. Electro music was blasting, people were zip lining a distance away from us, barely clad foreigners sunbathing and collectively enjoying each other's company with the assistance of liquid courage. Lara and I decided to start off slow, for the sake of memory and safety. I guess the thing in Vang Vieng is buckets with a mix of alcohol, something resembling a Tokyo tea, Long Island, and an Adios concoction. I despise it's deceiving trade off, but secretly I do enjoy the taste to mask the feeling of burning in your mouth. We decided to venture off into the river with bottoms in tube and we float onto the next bar.
The tubing adventure follows a simple procedure:
- Float in tubes along the river to nearby bars
- An empty water bottle tied to a long line of rope is thrown at river occupants
- Grab hold of rope if desired to attend bar
- Bar attendant pulls in river occupants
- Grab free shots of whiskey at bar [various bars also offer free bananas to offset immediate distaste of misery when alcohol is consumed]
- Drink
- If desired, drink some more
- Have funnnn & go crazy [the former is must, the latter however is beyond control at a specific point]
Somewhere between bar #2 or #3, one of those, I managed to build up the courage to go zip lining after a few of our friends did it!!! It seems as though bravery and the slightest suggestion of peer-pressure are quite complimentary and entirely responsible for actions. I am a firm believer, alcohol makes you brave. I would have never done this sober; I can't even swim well! Disgustingly, I found myself with a mouthful of dingy river water making its way into my tummy afterwards. Gross.
Later, we make our way to another bar where a light game of mud volleyball ensued. I shook off the apprehension of getting THAT dirty, but managed to find myself reaching a little too far for the volleyball and into a mud pit where I soon would be taken down by a bearded man and awaking to see a frightening image of a man who resembles Predator from Alien vs. Predator. This guy was literally painted in mud, I could only see the pinks of his eyelids, the whites of his eyes and his teeth peeking through this suit of mud. 0__0. Yikes.
Going in!
So about this game.I lose my life vest sometime during this mud fest and escape to the next bar. Subsequent bars later, we connect with new people, creating a faint relationship based on these unique moments dedicated to release of inhibitions, and happily toast to being alive and well together.
Everything from this point on takes a complete dismal turn. After leaving the last bar, (who knows what number it is) Lara and I depart for the river accompanied by two English guys. I remember us comparing our cultures and laughing about our manners of speech, light matters. Adam, who 'reckoned' he had chlamydia in his eye was the talkative of the two. He had a charm to him up until the moment he used the N word and attempted to raise his self-esteem by affirming the size of his package to us. People are so interesting, really.
After the two disconnect from us, it began to rain a bit. Dismal clouds formed above us and lightening illuminated patches of the sky. At this point, I wasn't concerned about how dark it was getting solely because I might have been in the dark myself? Hah. It was relaxing to just float along the river and observe the inconsistencies above me... up until it began to get dark.A sign of rescue came when a water bottle tied to a rope flew past us. (At the beginning of this river escapade we were informed when the end would be, but at the state we were in... really now, who was keeping track of time?) A familiar bar attendant from an earlier bar came swimming towards us and pulled us towards the river bank. We figured this might have been the blatant sign of the end when this guy came rushing towards us. His message however was not made clear to us. After getting out of the water he insists we pay him for his good deed and I refuse by lying that we didn't have enough money because it would not be enough for a tuk-tuk at the end... and plus, we didn't ask you to save us! Infuriated, he throws my tube back into the river leaving us no other choice than to retrieving them. Now remember, I don't have my life-jacket and not a strong swimmer at all so you can imagine the thoughts going through my head. Lara bravely runs after our tubes and grabs hold of both of them and screams that I need to jump onto mine before she's carried away by the current. I close my eyes and fall back and luckily touch the tubes a few feet away from the river bank. That was a pretty intense moment for me after such an unpleasant interaction with the bar attendant.
Moments later, the current carries us to the opposite end of the river and we're lined parallel to the river bank, faced backwards, where we were rushed through bushes and surprised with various sharp shrubbery scratching against our legs, feet and backs. I didn't see any of this coming. And to add to this misfortune, my favorite slippers would soon become lost pairs. One of my slippers was carried away due to a protruding branch that was stuck underneath the strap. >__< 
Surprisingly, we remained calm and focused on one goal only: Get the hell out of this river! At this point, it's quite dark and to add to this drama... still raining. An illusion of hope, we see lights beaming in the distance proving that life exists along the river. We row over to the opposite side of the bank again feeling relieved to see restaurants and houses and get out of the water. No luck. There was no exit. Numb to any pain, I seriously fail at coming out of this thing unscathed by scrapping my knee against more water shrubbery. Back on the tube we go again and float for another 5 minutes. If you could just imagine yourself for a second floating in complete darkness, feeling the absolute stillness of the night and echos of crickets and insects buzzing around you. You. Alone. (or with one other person) Not entirely sober, either. I think a long awaited freak-out mode would go into effect, like NOW!Luckily, it wasn't long until another sign of hope for escape was sent to us. It came after floating passed a bridge when a man sitting at the end of the bridge yelled to us a relieving Boyz II Men song title "End of the road!". With quick reflexes, we row to the end of the river bank... again, grab hold of branches and roots to pull us out of this miserable but later comedic experience, dash across the bridge with my one slipper and bare foot pressed against the discomforting earth and all its various trail mixes beneath me and made our way across to ask the man where we could get a tuk-tuk. He says about a kilometer away and points to the distance where faint lights align a dirt road which hopefully will guide us to civilization? We walk on and find a man on a motorcycle and a house where a freshly started ignition belonging to a minivan carrying 3 Thai tourists waited. We ask the guy on the motorcycle how much would it cost to get back home and he replies with an extorted amount. Extremely exasperated by this exploitation, we decide not to haggle and immediately run towards the mini-van to see if this stranger would be so kind enough to take two lost, scared, exhausted, half-naked somewhat muddy and drenched girls under his wing to safety. Lara knocks on his window with hope and says "Vang Vieng?" and at that moment, he gets out of his seat, unlocks the back, opens the trunk and takes us in! And he takes along the huge tubes we've been carrying along with us.
Thank you mini-van driver, seriously.
The end was in fact near, we eventually get back to our guest house that was less than a 5 minute drive away and walk over to the tubing headquarters to drop off our tubes to collect the deposit amount of 500 Baht. Too bad that wasn't ours for very long because I did not have my life jacket with me and we paid the scornful fee of losing one. This day was full of madness and debauchery with a huge dose of gratitude. I honestly would not trade this experience for anything despite the chaos we were dealing with throughout our river adventure. Again, lemme say that alcohol makes you brave. Reflecting upon dreadful moments like this make me think about the 'what if's' and I tend to create more wars inside my head about near death experiences. Neurotic thoughts and what not.
Anyway, hopefully I'll have more adventures to share with you all, ones that don't involve the fear of losing safety and my dear life...
Cause yanno, I kinda like being alive.
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